At some point should you feel content? Is that defeat, or is it something you can mark off as 'done well'?

Looking back at who I have been, I have never given up on things. Things are to me as a bone is to a dog. But then, those things have never been bilateral where I am the only party. 

I always rue the fact that in hindsight I've always felt I was right and should have pushed my point further.

But this is a crossroad that I have not encountered. And I don't know what to do. There is no devil to sell my soul to. There is no surprise trick that I can muster to get on top of things.

So what IS left to do? Put on a brave face and face the music letting it become a past where I feel, looking back to it, that I stuck to propriety and feel good about it?

'how far can you run when the world is round

To end up where your tail is found'

I once wrote.

when do you realise the value of things?

All the time, really.

https://youtu.be/9pgPdKxUtqQ

This song will remain special. It's what I made my decision to.

"Thanks and sorry."

And I thought I used those words the best.

Ces't la vie.

To the one without enemies.

Its tough knowing and accepting things as they are. When hope and despair are equal and opposing. one wavers from side to side. But since its you we are talking about, we need the lens of rationality. Of clinical practicality. Of astute search for safe-bets. Because, that's how you are. Its what I like about you and am mortified about. It prevents me from peering into your heart. It prevents me from ever being sure. but worse, it doesn't prevent me from feeling the way i do. about you.
The countless simulations that i run, merrily forcing them to end in happy ever-afters, do however seem to suggest that its an exercise in futility. I am not pointing fingers. I am not blaming. I am just ruing the fact of the situation. You will never choose me. you perhaps even like me. But that can be swept away with a gentle dip in rationality. Its perhaps easy for you. And I would be happy that this wont trouble you much. but it will me.
I will have to endure it like everything else. I will have to accept that it was never meant to be. but how do you kill a desire? perhaps you dont. perhaps you just live with its unrequited existence waiting for sharp jibes to jade over time.
but its a tough thing to change the principle of life - from hope to reconciliation. It will have to be done though.
Even so, there's no harm in raising a toast to the aborted possibilities. to the things we could have made.