It's a burden to know, for sure, more than most people in the world. It changes your relation with reality, for you can no longer burden another with the basis of your existence.

Listening to: Today - Jefferson Airplane

My father retired today. Putting it up just so I am reminded how it feels. I can only imagine how it feels to a man who is infinitely more fastidious than I am in all things life and is on the receiving end.

https://youtu.be/cGm8MG4IF0Q

https://youtu.be/JSUIQgEVDM4

Theres a bit of the Devil in this song, and the Devil isn't really all that bad as you've been told through the ages.

You can't blame me. I have Hindu origins.

Sometimes you just want to feel. With age even this ability dulls. It dulls as a slow process deluged by the clusterfuck of life. Right under your nose. It is an effort to feel, and all true effort wanes with age.
As a child, a youngling, you feel everything. All of it peppered with mirth. The mirth is what gives childhood its innocence. While mirth is the most fleeting, you can still feel.
Feeling is the only way to realise reality. It can't be articulated, rationalised or conveyed. It can only be felt.
Unfortunately with age, you need motivation, some catalyst to nucleate the thoughts, some intoxication. How else can you ever explain dependence?
What i feel keeps me inside myself. Trouble is even that memory fades and I have to crawl back to this place happy or miserable.

Still holding on to my modest goal of averaging 1 km a day run.

I must be getting old.

At one point in life, invariably, you give up. And, before you do, you can always imagine yourself doing it.