it was a pleasure then.

lustful restful eyes
motionless motive lies
weird algorithms of life
saved from blandness, an inner strife
wired and weak, body calls to rebuke
hollow light burdens, heavy delights.


some mystery in long drawn sounds
it isn't there, but you'd like to see
some beauty in sin,
the one within.
desire for immaculate dirt
a winding circular path
saddened by happiness again
it was a pleasure then
it's been ever since.


Anna is gone. He won't call. He'll never call.

I'll give you a piece of my senti mind.

i never really get sentimental when people leave. i used to think this was because i thought all such activity was futile and essentially gay. i was wrong. i think its actually that the implications of someone leaving takes time to sink in. especially in the past four years i have seen them all go and bid them goodbyes so many time, on so many occasions. but it has been there somewhere stuck in my mind as a constant, that its not over. but that is what is different this time round it is over, and it still doesn't sink in. john left, then PG, then Bangali, and now Khets.
I'll tell you a joke about a dumb scientist:
so there was a stupid scientist who was tabulating the results of the loss of limbs in a cockroach. he snips off one of its legs and commands it to walk. the roach complies. result: the cockroach is able to walk after the loss of a leg. subsequently he goes on to cut its other legs. each time the roach manages to obey. except when the last leg is cut off, the cockroach doesn't do a thing. the result: cutting off the last leg causes the cockroach to go deaf.
so its quite the same actually. it wasn't really palpable when one left. just made me a little uneasy. but take away everyone and it leaves me feeling like the cockroach. its not awesome. given a choice i would like them peeps back.
that is all the sentiment i can confess to being the clean and sober person that i am. i didn't say goodbye the way i'd have liked to. i wish i could do that. sayonara awesome people.